i'm a little bit insecure from all of this mistreatment.*

i don't want to have to turn to people for help anymore.

all this time, i've had to turn to someone for help. and i'm not leaving that someone anonymous. emi, i love you more than life. you helped me through everything. yeah, we got mad at eachother A LOT. in the end, that just helped me realise how much my life was affected by him. we fought because i was so head-over-heels and you knew it wouldn't work. em; i can't thank you enough. literally. anyway. i always turned to emi. i want people to turn to me now. no one understood me through it all. but i want someone to turn to me and i can say 'i know exactly how you feel.' i WILL know exactly how they feel. i'm honestly always thinking of him. STILL. but i don't want to love him. i want to hate him and miss him at the same time. i want my dreams to come true. i know they won't but it doesn't matter. i want to feel happy and in love at the same time because i've never felt that. (thinking of you by katy perry is making me want to cry... hard.) it's not my fault that, like, half of the songs on my ipod remind me of you. i ripped out my heart and then i carved your name into it. a constant reminder that i'll never have you. i don't need you, i just want you. you're not healthy for me. xx